The season begin's... 2012-13

[thestarandcrescent]

Well week one of the Dotty Warboys and what a start, more points in the opening fixture than for the whole of last season!
Things started quickly with Ting Tong Macadan attempting an early bunker shot, after the ball ended up in the rough. Unfortunately his wild swing caused the ball to roll tamely up to the fence and drew derisory abuse from the laughing lino. The points panel awarded him -1 for a crap effort, but 1/2 a point for comedy value after he became the first player to be slagged off by an official.
At tee beginning of the second half President Pukin had the chance of taking a commanding lead as he rose like a salmon in an attempt to head the ball back, but without the hat the ball skimmed off his nut. Ting Tong had been muttering darkly about losing points all through half time and finally made amends when he managed to boot the ball back towards the pitch, unfortunately for him the ball fell perfectly for Pukin to leather it back over the crossbar onto the pitch, a point apiece.
Next up was new player Smurf who chased gamely after a lost ball and managed to get it back onto the playing surface. Smurf also managed to negotiate half a point for running round to the touch line and gathering info for the lazy gits behind the goal... this will NOT happen again.
The final scoring came from Pukin who shinned the ball back to the Robins keeper and nearly decapitated a Hassocks spectator, 1 point for putting the ball back on, 1 point for comedy value, -1 for nearly killing a spectator.
So after an eventful day the league looks like this:

President Pukin 2pts
Smurf 1 1/2 pts
Ting Tong Macadan 1/2 pt

(Smurf should probably lose half a point for being to lazy to think up a new name!) ;D

[Dan BHTFC]

I think it is Round 2 tonight, time to climb off the bottom of the table!

[thestarandcrescent]

In your dream's!!!

[sponge]

Only one point for nearly decapitating a Hassocks supporter ?

[thestarandcrescent]

Yeah I thought it was a little miserly, Ting Tong wanted to deduct all my points! But then he is a closet Robin...

[thestarandcrescent]

Well the high scoring was never going to last and round two was business as usual despite alot of harem scarem running about in the second period. The first appearence of Fenz Lounga and the Sponge Meister saw differing outcomes for the 2 johnny come lately's: Lounga found himself marked out of the game by the attentions of Ting Tong and later Pukin, whilst the Sponge scored the only point of the game with a casual flick back onto the pitch at half time. The only other action of note was when the fence interupted a ball that Ting Tong and Pukin were making for.
So the table now looks like this:
President Pukin 2pts
Smurf 1 1/2 pts
Sponge Meister 1 pt
Ting Tong Macadan 1/2 pt
Fenz Lounga 0 pts

[thestarandcrescent]

Despite not being there for the previous round I'll do an up date cos Ting Tong can't be arsed. No match report as such but apparently he got a point, however I'm deducting it cos he didn't do a report, we'll fight it out tomorrow! Smurf is now known as Busta Bottlawikkid. So the table standings are:
President Pukin 2pts
Busta Bottlawikid 1 1/2 pts
Sponge Meister 1 pt
Ting Tong Macadan 1/2 pt
Fenz Lounga 0 pts

[thestarandcrescent]

Thought it was time for an update. Since the last report Fenz Lounga has rapidly climbed the rankings with a dispaly of crass ineptitude that is unlikely to be surpassed this season. I think the venue for this performance was the Ramsgate game. The memory of all but the crippling laughter has dimmed the awesomeness of his acrobatics so I apologise if the details are wrong but as I remember it the Loungmeister attempted to take the ball on his chest whilst falling over backwards then block kicked the ball against his mate the fence and ended up on his arse. Initially he was deducted a point for making such a tit of himself, but on further reflection the review panel awarde him 2 points, 1 for the comedy value, and an extra one after the ref asked who fell over in the bar after the game ! Fenz and Ting Tong both managed to kick the ball back on to the playing area later but as neither were anywhere near as funny we'll leave it there.
So as a result we have a new league leader, the deaftly skilled Fenz Lounga!

Fenz Lounga 3pts
President Pukin 2pts
Busta Bottlawikid & Ting Tong Macadan 1 1/2pts each
Farty Burpmaster (or whatever Sponges new name is) 1pt
Bugle Boy 0pts

There ends the lesson for today!

[Dan BHTFC]

Ah, the sight of Lounja falling over, will never forget that!

Hopefully a good turnout at Horsham will see some points scored??

[thestarandcrescent]

Latest League standings following the Maidstone game (see other thread for details):
Fenz Lounga 3pts
President Pukin 2pts
Busta Bottlawikid & Ting Tong Macadan 1 1/2pts each
Windy Burnfart 1pt
Bugle Boy 1/2 pt

[thestarandcrescent]

The first point scoring away game of the season took place on a very muddy surface at Hurstpierpoint's Fairfield Rec. In fairness to Hurst they did an incredible job of getting a game on when so many others fell to the weather. President Pukin opened the scoring, returning the ball with the outstep of the right foot, and getting coated in mud, much to the amusement of Ting Tong! Macadan's equaliser came when he beat Pukin to the ball courtesy of his size 13 plates of meat. The winner came shortly afterwards when Pukin, having learnt about the size of Ting Tongs feet, levered his bulky opponent out of the way to boot the ball back to the keeper, much to the keepers bemusement. The game finished with Pukin and Macadan covered in mud and freezing cold, it was therefore necessary to go to the Sportsman for a restorative pint! The league therefore has a new leader, with Pukin returning to the top, whilst Ting Tong goes third.
Latest standing:
President Pukin 4 pts
Fenz Lounga 3 pts
Ting Tong Macadan 2 1/2 pts
Busta Bottlawikid 1 1/2 pts
Windy Burnfart 1 pt
Bugle Boy 1/2 pt
Malcolm in the Middle and GI Joe 0 pts

[sponge]

I reckon he could walk across to France with those plates.